corvi

Topic suggested by

yam . The full topic suggestion, Competition Categories the County Fair Or Whatever It Was Called On Salt Spring Doesn't Currently Have But Which I Would Totally Win, didn't fit in the title box

The Fall Fair is a huge old-timey harvest fair on the island, featuring competitions like "Biggest Maple Leaf", "Funniest Vegetable Shape" (butt-shaped tomatoes, butt-shaped potatoes, butt-shaped pumpkins...), betting on where cows will poop, judging bouquets of poisonous plants, watching people fail to convince chickens to race, and various cooking, pickling, brewing, and handicraft competitions. Also dancing, fried food, and a huge tent selling forty kinds of pie as a fundraiser. It's pretty great! But obviously it would be even better if there were more competitions I personally was guaranteed to win, such as:

Inedibly Spicy Pickles
Best Tiny Velociraptor in An Unconvincing Chicken Costume
Preserve Or Jelly That Really Shouldn't Have Cardamom In It, But Someone of Poor Judgement Put It In Anyway
Longest Jump Made By An Origami Frog Folded From A Tax Document
Photographs of Floating Logs That Look Vaguely Like Seals
Best Swears To Shout At Deer Eating What They Shouldn't (actually, this would be a pretty difficult competition; I'm not confident even my very best swears would win)
Stinkiest Chicken
Baked Good Made From Purple Potatoes That Most Resembles The Flesh Of A Corpse

I have so many unrecognized skills. :)